Early Morning Marriage Moments

My body functions between the lines of sleep and being totally awake. At this hour I should not be up. Three hours ago I should not have been up. But sleep, while it is a necessity my body craves, seems to be far from reach. The birds have begun to sing songs outside my window, and the sun begins to peak beneath the horizon and bring light to the sky’s darkness. The fuzziness of my brain begs me to shut my computer and rest my head on the pillow, but the thought of counting sheep again keeps me from actually doing so. My husband, who woke from his slumber two hours ago with my arms wrapped around him and coughing in his ear, has decided to rise for the day. I can’t bring myself to do it just yet, but the thought of a big breakfast might do the trick. He has gone to the store for some ingredients needed for tonight’s dinner with his football guys. It is 5:30 am. And even as I find myself retyping words because my brain hasn’t quite caught up with me yet, I consider myself lucky. Blessed.

I woke up in somewhat of a panic around 3:30 am… not the kind of panic that comes from nightmares, but panic as I relayed the events of last night’s meeting in my head. I signed up for what? Writing a script. For a fashion show. With women’s ministry. But I cringe at the thought of women’s ministry… I just don’t connect with ladies getting together urging each other to form their identities around being a Proverbs 31 woman while sipping tea. What in the world am I doing? And yet all the same, I found myself last night raising my hand with the words “I’m a writer. I’ll write the script for you” coming from my lips. What?! It’s true that I’ve written a few scripts for skits with the jr. high students and other youth ministry events, and I’m very confident in my writing capabilities with this – but really? A fashion show? Fears and memories of cheesy Christian women events flood through my mind and I recall cringing to the response of people when I tell them I want to be in full time ministry and they suggest women’s ministry. I realize these are my own prejudices fronting my cynicism with men and women ministries… But these very thoughts are the ones waking me up at a ghastly hour. Before I went to bed I told JD that I signed up for writing the script because I feel a responsibility to this congregation – and if I shy away from activities planned by the women of this church because I’m sick of cheestastic ministry approaches, then of what service am I? So I signed up to write a script for a fashion show intending to celebrate women and the many unique qualities and roles and capabilities given to my gender. And I intend to put a lot of historical/biblical/contextual thought into each word I write about the women God created as significant, powerful, influential, nurturing, intelligent, creative beings.

These thoughts and more were on the brain when I finally came into consciousness. After a while, I got tired of myself and started praying for friends who came to mind. A little bit after that I snuggled up next to JD and began coughing in his ear (on accident). Needless to say, he asked me if I should get some water and then apologized for his grumpy tone. I reached over for some water and told him I was glad he was awake, though sorry to interrupt his sleep. He was thrilled at this comment. After taking a few gulps, he suggested I pray for sleep and I told him I had been for the last several minutes. We mutually decided that we might as well make the most of these moments and began praying for some other things that had been on my mind and his. I cherish these moments. Taking turns we prayed until intercession and confession were done… and then tried to get to sleep. This consisted of twisting and turning and kneeing and throwing the covers off the bed until I finally resolved to count sheep. At number 149, JD asked if I was still awake. Which, of course, I was. “I’m going to the store,” he said. “What?” I asked. “Are you sure you’re awake JD? Do you really want to go to the store right now? Are they even open?” He nodded. “I think they’re open 24 hours and yes I’m awake. I’m going to the store and then I’ll come back and start work. Maybe I’ll get a nap in later today,” He got out of bed and I tried to continue counting sheep. Just as he was about to leave I reminded him we were out of green olives and could he please pick some up - to which he replied, “I already know and was planning to get some for the stew tonight. Now get back to sleep. If you are still awake when I get back then we will have ourselves a big breakfast, but you should still try to get some sleep.” OK. As if I can really go back to sleep after thinking of bacon and eggs while my stomach screams at me for food. I hear the car start up and drive off and I earnestly try to fall asleep. For about two minutes. Breakfast is coming soon and it’s time to start my day. No matter that my day really started at 3:30 am and we have a full day ahead of us… the sun is rising and it beckons me to join it. My alarm clock will go off in an hour anyhow.